You Are Not Alone: Support and Resources for You
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If you are experiencing domestic or family violence, it’s important to know that help is available. Your safety and well-being are the top priority.
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Recognising the Signs:
Domestic and family violence (DFV) encompasses a range of abusive behaviours used to exert power and control over a partner, family member, or someone in a close relationship. It includes physical violence, emotional and psychological abuse, sexual assault, financial control, and social isolation. DFV can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background, and often involves a pattern of behaviour that escalates over time. Trust your instincts if something feels wrong.
Where to Get Help:
Thinking of showing up for someone you care about? Well done!​
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IIf someone you care about is experiencing domestic or family violence, your support can make a significant difference in their journey to safety.
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Listen Without Judgment:
When talking to a loved one about domestic and family violence (DFV), it's crucial to approach the conversation with compassion and support. Begin by letting them know that you believe them—this validation is essential for their sense of safety. Avoid judging their situation or decisions, as this can create additional stress and push them away. Instead, listen empathetically and offer reassurance. It's important not to tell them what to do; rather, encourage them to make their own choices, while gently providing information on available resources and support. Your role is to be a steady, non-judgmental presence, offering support on their terms.
Offering Practical Help:
When supporting someone experiencing domestic and family violence (DFV), it's important to offer help in a way that doesn’t overwhelm them. Start by asking what they need rather than assuming you know what's best. Offer specific, manageable forms of assistance, such as helping with childcare, providing transportation, or accompanying them to appointments. Respect their boundaries and be patient if they’re not ready to take certain steps. Small gestures, like checking in regularly and being available to listen, can provide immense comfort without adding pressure. Always remind them that you're there for them, without making them feel rushed or obligated to act before they’re ready. Respect their decisions, even if you don’t agree with them.
Support a Friend Showing Signs of Harmful Behaviour​
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IIf you’re concerned that a friend may be exhibiting abusive behaviour, you have a unique opportunity to encourage positive change.
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Recognising harmful behaviour:
If you are here, it’s likely you know someone you want to have a conversation with or have a gut feeling something isn’t right. It’s important to remember harmful behaviours aren’t always physical; they can include using demeaning language, making hurtful jokes, or displaying aggressive behaviour. Verbal abuse, such as insults, name-calling, or belittling someone’s feelings. It helps to remember not all disrespect leads to violence, but all violence starts with disrespect. Additionally, aggressive behaviour, even if it doesn't escalate to physical violence, creates an atmosphere of fear and control. Recognising and addressing these behaviours is key to fostering healthy, respectful relationships and preventing further harm.
Practical tips:
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Be aware of signs like jealousy, controlling behaviour, or verbal aggression.
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Reflect on conversations where they may have dismissed or belittled their partner.
Starting the conversation:
Approaching someone about their harmful behaviour in a non-confrontational way is essential to encourage positive change without putting them on the defensive. Begin the conversation in a calm and private setting, using “I” statements to express your concerns without sounding accusatory. Keeping what you say focused on your perspective and show genuine concern, this can open a door for constructive dialogue.
For example, you might say:
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“I’ve noticed that some of the things you’ve said to your partner seem hurtful, and I’m worried about how that might affect your relationship.”
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“I care about you and your well-being, and I’ve been concerned about some of the behaviours I’ve seen lately. Can we talk about it?”
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“When I hear you make comments about them like that, I feel uncomfortable. What’s going on for you?”
Encouraging Accountability:
Holding someone accountable for harmful behaviour without alienating them requires a careful balance of honesty and support. Start by addressing the behaviour directly, using specific examples to illustrate your concerns. For instance, you might say, “I noticed when you made that joke about your partner, it seemed to make them uncomfortable. Have you thought about how that might have affected them?” Follow this with an open-ended question like, “How do you think they felt in that moment?” to encourage self-reflection.
Emphasise that your goal is to support them in becoming the best version of themselves, saying something like, “I know you care about your relationships, and I want to help you build healthy, positive connections. Let’s talk about how you can approach things differently.” This approach shows that you’re holding them accountable for their actions while also expressing that you believe in their ability to change and grow, reducing the risk of them feeling isolated or attacked.